Winter’s okay, there is nothing finer, after all, than a jaunty winter coat and a pair of boots. Spring and summer though leave me cold; maxi dresses and spaghetti straps just aren’t my thing. No, as far as I ‘m concerned, autumn is where it’s at.
I sometimes think that my ideal job would be a personal shopper. I know the layout of Hobbs and Jigsaw better than the people who work there anyway. I wouldn’t need any training, 35 years of reading Vogue has served me well. In the spirit of philanthropy then, I thought I would share with you some of my life’s work to help you embrace the coming season.
1. If you are over the age of ten, never ever ever wear leggings outside of the house. The reason for this is twofold. Firstly, unless you have the body of an athlete, and even then it’s hit and miss, they simply do not flatter. They serve only to add girth to the thigh and hip area which, in my experience, is never a good look. That problem aside, even if you are happy with the thought of a fat arse, those leggings will drag you down. They are the first step on the road to slobbery. Let’s be honest here, we all like to slob around in our pyjamas and sometimes the thought of never having to get dressed can be appealing. But I beg you do not take that route; the next thing you know, you’ll be trudging around the supermarket in pyjamas and hair curlers. Leggings, my friends, are the first step on a slippery slope.
2. One of my mother’s favourite sayings is, “Buy cheap pay twice,” and never were truer words spoken. This goes for all things and my advice is to always spend as much as you can afford and don’t skimp. This means decent skincare products, those people who tell you that supermarket home brands work just as well are lying. Same goes for hair care and cosmetics. Spend more and you will notice the difference. Likewise with clothes, unless you are a teenager and looking for throwaway fashion, spend more and you won’t regret it. In my experience, expensive clothes last longer and so in the long run cost less. Plus they look better because they tend to be well cut and better made. I have made the mistake of buying cheap only for it not to survive
even one wash which probably made it the most expensive one wear garment ever. Buy less but spend more and you won’t even notice the difference.
3. Stick to what suits you and you feel comfortable in. Experimentation and change is for teenagers and fools. By the time you are thirty you should have found your favourite style and my advice is stick to it and care not what anybody else is wearing. To step out of your style zone merely makes you feel self conscious and that will undermine any sense of style that you are hoping to achieve. I love hats. The minute I see someone in a hat, be it chic or quirky, I know that I will like them. However, I am not a natural hat wearer and so can’t pull off the same panache that veteran hat wearers seem to achieve with ease. Over the years I have succumbed to folly many times and bought magnificent hats only for them to sit unworn on a shelf. The moral of the story is stick to what you know and you won’t go far wrong.
4. Moving on to my gentlemen readers, you have my sympathy, you really do. You are in a double bind. Sadly we live in a society where we are all judged by appearance and yet vanity in men is so very unappealing. My advice to you is this, whatever efforts you may devote to your grooming and style, simply deny it. Go to the death swearing that you have been favoured by the Gods. As far clothes go remember, comfort = confidence = style. Thus stick with what you know. Jeans will always serve you well just so long as you remember that double denim is the cardinal sin.
There you have it then my life’s work is done. I know to some this will all seem shallow and silly but I happen to believe that feeling good about our appearance plays a large part in determining how happy we are in our own skin. Keep your eyes peeled then for autumn ideas and before you know it you’ll be strutting your stuff and ready to take on the world.