E. L. Lindley
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Middle-Age No-Go Areas 

5/10/2015

20 Comments

 
During a conversation with my friend this weekend, we deduced that there are certain things that are no longer do-able once you reach a certain age. Strangely though (and this was verified by a woman on the next table, who joined in with our musings when her husband went to the bar), these things are not fixed and each of us have our own peculiarly personal middle-age no-go areas.

The conversation came about when my very young at heart friend, bemoaned the fact that she thinks she’s lost her rhythm and her dancing days could be over. She’d been to a party the night before and, try as she might; she wasn’t able to get her groove on. Consequently, she’s decided that for her dancing might be a middle-age no-no.

Now, as someone who likes to bust a few moves around the house on a regular basis, I have to disagree. I haven’t lost my rhythm, quite possibly because I never had any to begin with. My dancing has always been more staggering around to the music than Billy Elliot. I have three main moves, any of which you’re likely to see if there’s alcohol involved. The first is a sort of pogo style and best suits anything lively like The Pogues or the Ramones. The second is my own interpretation of Northern Soul dancing and involves lots of spinning and careering about wildly so it’s not to be recommended in a confined space. I’ve smashed my shin on the coffee table and decimated enough vases to state that categorically. Lastly, I have my own signature move which is a shuffling variation on the sidewinder, it’s more versatile than you might think and suits most tempos. So you see, I’m quite the expert and don’t intend giving up my dancing days until I break a hip.

My friend’s other bugbear is that she fears she can no longer wear sleeveless tops or show off her magnificent cleavage without looking, well – old. Let’s face it, nobody wants to see flabby arms and a sun damaged wrinkly looking chest. Luckily for me though, I have no such problem. And no, not because I have miraculously retained a glowing, youthful physique but because I’ve never favoured the sleeveless, cleavage look. Even as a young woman, I was more of a buttoned up kind of gal. My favourite item of clothing is and always has been the good old cardigan. I like nothing better than a stylish little collar, whether on a dress or a shirt and, couple this with a cardi, and I’m in fashion heaven. My arms and chest have never seen the light of day so I’m not likely to be mourning the fact that I’ve had to retire them from service any time soon.

I do have my own set of no-go areas, however.  The first of which is fairgrounds or indeed anything that involves sudden movement. I’ve always loved the fun of the fair – the noise and excitement of knowing you could be stabbed at any minute, but not anymore. My decline started a couple of Christmases ago when I visited Hyde Park’s Winter Wonderland with my sister. One ride rendered me helplessly puking up my hot dog into the nearest bin and a pattern was formed. Now, I’m likely to be travel sick at the first sign of a jolt. The curious thing is, as a child I suffered from terrible travel sickness. On school trips, I was always the kid who had to sit up front with the coach driver, clutching the plastic bucket. Once I reached my teens though, I was cured. I binned all those anti-sickness pills and never gave it another thought. Until now that is, when it’s back like a bad penny and I place the blame squarely at old age’s door.

Another casualty of middle-age is good old fashioned flirting. Now, I have to confess that as a young woman, I never favoured flirting as a pastime. It was too fraught with danger – giving young men the wrong idea and who in God’s name wants to flirt with old codgers when they’re in the prime of life. Once I hit those thirties and forties though, I discovered that a cheeky wink and a bit of harmless flattery went a long way in making the world go around. Sadly, in my fifties I find I’m back to square one. Flirting with middle-aged men just gets their hopes up and flirting with young men is frankly creepy. So I’ve come full circle to the asexual, no-nonsense approach of my younger years.

There is an upside to all this however and one unexpected delight is the way middle-aged women flirt with each other. Whenever I meet friends these days, there is always a gush of compliments as we fall over each other to admire new hairdos, shoes or gym toned bodies. The envy and competitive edge that can be a sad by-product of women’s friendship is no more and we can just revel in each other’s middle-aged loveliness. In fact, I think I like it better than flirting with men who, let’s face it when compared to women, are flirting amateurs.

Another strange upside is the attentiveness I now find myself getting from young men. I’d grown accustomed to having doors slammed in my face by strapping young twenty-somethings, whose world view seemed to be dog eat dog. Somehow all that’s changed and I find I’ve slipped into crazy old grandma territory with all of the benefits that brings with it. These overgrown boys now fall over themselves to save me from my own incompetence, carrying my drinks to the table or helping me to figure out how to scan my card at the cinema (don’t even ask!). Young men are suddenly smiley and chatty where they were once surly louts and, you know what, I quite like being a dotty old bat.

There’s no denying then that age brings with it many changes, lots of which you’d never have anticipated in a million years. If you’re an old fogey like me you no doubt have your own no-go areas. As for any bright young things out there, all I can say is – ha ha ha! 


20 Comments
CathyRyan
5/10/2015 04:42:00 am

Oh, I can see myself in so much of this post! Hilarious, thanks for the laugh :-D

Reply
E. L. Lindley
5/10/2015 04:44:28 am

Glad you liked it Cathy and I'm glad I'm not the only old fogey :D

Reply
Shaz Goodwin link
5/10/2015 04:51:01 am

Hahahaha - EXACTLY! I couldn't have put it better myself.

Reply
E. L. Lindley
5/10/2015 04:54:51 am

Seems like there's a lot of us oldies out there Shaz :D

Reply
Sally Wilkinson link
5/10/2015 07:03:32 am

OMG! Give up the fair! NO WAY!!! Or dancing!!!! NO WAY!!!! (Though yes, I do get nauseous at theme parks from time to time - I had to give up spinning rides years ago - so I reckon that one day they will get the better of me... but until then, NEMESIS, OBLIVION, you name it... I'M ON IT!!!)

Reply
E. L. Lindley
5/10/2015 07:35:55 am

I reckon you've got a window of a couple more years, Sal :D

Reply
Sally Wilkinson link
5/10/2015 10:40:16 pm

I'll be fighting (and dancing) to the bitter end!

Lynda
5/10/2015 07:09:11 am

Ha ha this sums me up chuck in a new mobile phone to fathom out and you've got me. Loved this xx

Reply
E. L. Lindlley
5/10/2015 07:37:06 am

I merely skimmed the surface, Lynda. I reckon we're all the same. Glad you liked it :D

Reply
Lyn Towers
5/10/2015 07:17:51 am

This is just so true, and funny. x

Reply
E. L. Lindley
5/10/2015 07:37:52 am

Glad you liked it, Lyn :D

Reply
bev
5/10/2015 05:40:33 pm

Thanks :-) this is lovely and really made me laugh.

Reply
E. L. Lindley
5/11/2015 04:21:35 am

Thanks Bev, I'm glad you liked it :D

Reply
Terry Tyler
5/10/2015 08:24:07 pm

Love this post!

Here's mine - I stopped wearing sleeveless tops around 10 years ago, and stopped dancing a little earlier. I used to be good at it, oddly enough, but I decided when I went to my work Christmas party and watched my boss and her friends on the dance floor that women of 40+ strutting their stuff, or, worse, 'mum dancing' was SO not a good look. As for the flirting bit... well, I think I'll still be doing that when I'm 70.... but each year I notice that I have become invisible to another age group!!!! Now, alas, the only men who give me a second glance are probably on their way to spend their pension :^D

Reply
E. L. Lindley
5/11/2015 04:25:02 am

Ha ha - you'd be appalled by my dancing Terry. My problem is in my head I look like Beyonce but the ugly reality is I'm quite spectacularly deluded. Keep up that flirting Mrs :D

Reply
Georgia Rose link
5/10/2015 10:37:01 pm

Well you're clearly doing something right E if you are getting attention, of whatever sort, from younger men. I just find I am now invisible to all...though perhaps it's best kept that way! I have never favoured the sleeveless look being somewhat hench and I am a little dubious about my dancing abilities nowadays. It's not something I've done outside of the house recently so I might be a little reticent as showing off my moves at a do I'm going to this summer...time will tell. The latest thing for me has been shorts...having not worn them for a few years I've just binned the lot. I have dreadful legs anyway so the time for this move was long overdue :-)

Reply
E. L. Lindley
5/11/2015 04:28:40 am

I think I'm simply finally reaping the rewards of being a buffoon G. If there's something to fall over, drop, smash, forget, misplace - I'll find it. As for the legs - for years I deluded myself that mine were okay and then I went in one of those changing rooms with mirrors that let you see yourself from every angle. I still haven't gotten over the trauma and I NEVER EVER want to see myself from the back again :D

Reply
Anne Harvey link
5/12/2015 04:15:52 am

I relate to this so much. Mind you I'm a generation older so my dancing days are, sadly, well over. I don't have the breath any more!

Reply
E. L. Lindley
5/12/2015 04:47:37 am

Thanks for reading Anne and I'm glad you could relate to it. I think there are probably a lot of people who wish my dancing days were over :D

Reply
judith barrow link
5/13/2015 04:10:42 am

Never could dance, stopped wearing low tops after first cancer scar, stopped wearing sleeveless stuff when bat-wings flew in, stopped wearing short skirts when knees started to look like dumplings (about thirty years ago).Still flirt - mainly with husband who thinks I'm barmy anyway.

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